The NUFC Wind Up Continues – fanx Mike fanx Alan

The first few games of this season I have been absolutely staggered that our magnificent support has dragged in gates of over 51,000 and 49,000. The reason being is that this is my first year that I’ve decided to jack games at St James’ Park. I know many people who have also decided to terminate their physical support. Most Newcastle fans of our generation tend to think that we are THE most loyal support there is anywhere in football in the entire globe. I certainly do. It’s extremely arrogant of us to many, but it’s also an absolute fact.

Second Division in 1984, BRITAIN’s third best supported club then. Lost Keegan, within four years, we’d lost three more of the best five footballers in the country in Waddle, Beardsley and Gascoigne. I think every support has a sort of genetic principle. Liverpool’s is to be cunts. Arsenal’s is to be boring people who should disappear to Twickenham. Newcastle United’s is to be the most pathetically loyal people in global sport. It is arrogant but it’s true. It was true in the 1940’s (World Record Average Gate while in DIVISION TWO!), it was true in the 1950’s, the desolate 70’s and 80’s, and despite winning absolutely fuck all in the 90’s, 00’s and the first half of the 2010’s we had England’s second largest gates….now ONLY third since Arsenal built their ground.

It’s sad as fuck. It hurts me it always will. The fact is we are no further forward. Our owner is now worth £4,000,000,000. Incredible. This summer he was entitled to a £200,000,000 pay out for him personally within his personal business. It’s HIS personally anyway the 4 billion, but no he’ll leave it there, he won’t use it to develop his football club. Since we were promoted to the Premier League in 2010, Newcastle have generally been in terms of income between 16th and 25th richest club in the entire globe. Now this is below what we should be achieving straight away but it’s still significant. Baring in mind in the period from 2007 to 2010, due to his own mistakes to start with, we grasped far more from player sales than we spent on player purchases.

Anyway I do apologise for my blatant lack of intellect, but I could write this a thousand different ways and my conclusion would always be MIKE ASHLEY IS A CUNT. He’s spent £6m on players in 4 years at a massive club while scraping his own funds back. A billionaire who legally was shown to be a liar by Kevin Keegan, and a fanbase that I deludedly think could easily be over a million. He’s a bastard who I hope walks the streets soon with ebola. I’ll also scorn Newcastle fans who forge the tiniest corner of respect for “Mike”.

I’m old enough to remember the Gordon McKeag era. McKeag was massively abused. I was 10 years of age, and jumped on a pathetic bandwagon. When you look back at 1988 McKeag was like Mother Theresa compared to this fat bastard. He was barely a personal millionaire himself. He took over from Stan Seymour, and when we look back at dealings like selling Gascoigne and Beardsley, we built a £4m Milburn Stand (because of Valley Parade), and people need to remember the £3.2m we raised on Gazza, Paul Stephenson and Neil McDonald was all reinvested in the side, all of it. Our fans started that 88/89 season in good spirits. John Robertson was the top scorer in Scotland, John Hendrie was rated highly, same with Cup winners Andy Thorn and Dave Beasant. It all fell to pieces and McKeag was massively hated. He would have received even worse abuse than Ashley looking back without 4 billion quid in his Lloyds TSB. McKeag should be disliked 00000.1% as much as this fat scum bag.

The club is on hold. Pardew is a fucking arsehole, his comments after the recent Crystal Palace game about the fans being partly responsible for the 96th minute equaliser because of their enthusiasm show him up for what he is. A disgrace. Imagine FFS/Hall doing to that to Robson/Keegan. The club is a joke. We needed a striker so badly it’s unreal, and every single one of our astonising fanbase knew it was never going to happen on that last day. We were completely obliterated by Hull City. “Mike I need a faakin striker.”….”weww you’ve spent firty seven miww sahn”, aye but he’s spent basically fuck all in terms of income and expenditure over four years. I love Newcastle I really do, I’ve watched far, far worse Newcastle teams than the current one, 1991 was a tragic side, but I’d have watched them in the Fourth Division.

I’ve watched Newcastle United since 1985, with a season ticket since 1991, and that game against Cardiff we won 3-0, last game of last season is the last time I go again whilst Fatty and that Cheeky Grey Haired Bastard have anything to do with us. I know loads of people who have finished it, and I hope we win every game we play, and hope everyone who has spent further money on these bastards gets value, but not me. We honestly could be AT LEAST as expensively valued as Tottenham but we’re being ran like Reggie Perrin ran his pathetic million quid company. Cheap, chatty and shit. The support who is still there, well they’re second to none. The likes of Everton would get 25,000 for this. The likes of Liverpool got 33,000 under Houllier for this.

There’s no support in the country like us, but he will continue to lose people if he doesn’t either sell us or absolutely change how he has ran us for nearly 8 years. It’s truly incredible that thousands of people haven’t given up, have shown loyalty, yet the club won’t sign a striker. John Hall had the amazing Les Ferdinand, did we need a striker? Possibly but it certainly wasn’t an imperitive like it is today. What did Keegan and Hall do? Broke the world transfer record for the greatest striker we’ve ever had, and even then still added one of South America’s most skillful 90’s strikers. This man is a twat. Anyone who supports him is a twat too. The type of bloke who got divorced, paid his wife a British record £50m in a divorce settlement and laughed about it. The type of bloke that went in Asper’s Casino in Newcastle lost £1.3m on the top table, and walked out laughing saying “hahaha oh weww faak it”, in other words a cunt.



Newcastle and England


When I was young and first started going to the matches, our support was absolutely brilliant in the main. We had complete radgies supporting us, going to games, causing ruptions home and away, and we had some of the most knowledgeable supporters you will find anywhere in the world. That’s not an overstatement. However my earliest memories of football at St James’ in the mid to late 80’s heavily include blokes who would go to games for no other reason than to moan at our players, moan at McFaul, moan at the board, just naturally whingey bastards, or so it seemed then.

Sadly, I’m in my 30’s now and I’m exactly the same. It’s that long since I’ve had anything to smile about NUFC, that I have chucked it and I’m not going back. It’s depressing because I want to love Newcastle United again, but I just can’t. I hate Pardew, and I hate that fat cunt Ashley more than anything else football related ever. It’s got nothing to do with the fact, we are a mid-table club, which without we are, it’s to do with the fact I’ve been taken the piss out of for the last time.

We are in the process of spending around £30m on players of varying potential and ability. Why was this not being done in January, when we were losing Cabaye, and clearly starting to come off the rails? Money. Not because we or he hasn’t got the money to spend, we do and he has. It was purely and simply because financially with us all but sured of top 10, our financial and achievement objectives had been met. We were 5th mid December after 18 games. FIFTH. Then rumours started about Cabaye leaving. We had 20 games left. That fat bastard knew we had achieved our objective being 16 points clear of the lower half, so yeah get the money for Cabaye fuck the remaining games. As it turned out from, afer beating Man Utd, Palace and Stoke, our record to the end of the season was P20 W5 D1 L14. I don’t even need to say that is relegation form. It’s not just relegation form, it’s the form of a side who will come 20th. Yeah but it’s alright because we’ll achieve our season objective. WELL FUCK OFF!

Someone needs to tell this fat bastard football is a million times more than a business, and Newcastle United as much as any club is. I couldn’t give a monkeys if he signed Messi and Ronaldo, he is a fat cunt, and he has killed nearly everything to do with the club. He’s taken the piss out of every single Newcastle fan, and the ones who are prepared to keep on giving him money will continue to be taken the piss out of. He is a hermit a fat hermit, who doesn’t deserve a penny off any geordie. Newcastle United to me are on a life support machine till he goes. Newcastle United belong to him. Well they’re not Newcastle United anymore. We can all tag along with “support the team not the regime”, not me anymore, and it breaks my heart, but I’ve just lost my love and it’s purely down to him. In 2009 there was a 5 year plan. At the end of that 5 years we are in a far worse position than 5 years before he bought the club in 2002.

He’s such an ignorant twat, he won’t come out and speak to the public. He is the classic example of the child with the unloved upbringing, his fatha hated him, he had few friends allegedly and fair play to him for making his millions, but he is a cunt, he always will be and you couldn’t find anyone in this country including Abu Hamza, more distanced from the culture we have on Tyneside.

For the people who are going to games next season, I genuinely hope it’s a great season, I’d be a liar if I said I wasn’t going to be in the pub watching and hoping we win, but that’s it for me till he dies or goes, he is everything the North East of England isn’t. For years people have said English football is purely about money, that is true of NUFC more than any other. We are a sick joke, the only club with the billionaire who everyone hates and refuses to spend his money the fat fuckin hermit.


In the North East of England, and definitely in places like Liverpool, there are an element of people who genuinely couldn’t care less about the English national team. I’m not one of them.

This summer for me summed up England in the last quarter century. People are adamant our football is ruined. The fact only 30% of players are English in our top division certainly doesn’t help the England squad, but are we really that bad?

The three games we played, and don’t get me wrong hardly anyone agrees with me (apart from the fuckwit that is Paul Merson), but I think England were the better side in all three games. Marginally, but the stats back it up too. More corners, more shots, more relevant possession. I hand on heart do not think we were shite. On paper looking at the results it is the worst tournament we were ever involved in, but we had no luck, and the truth of the matter people need to face up to is, we aren’t the best team, and the last time we were (if we were) it was because football was in its formative days in other countries i.e. before the first ever World Cup.

Why do English people expect the English national team to compete? Loads of reasons, but one of the main ones is we’re insular arrogant twats. Germany has a population of 80 odd million, ours is little over 50m with a large portion of immigrants coming from cultures where they’ve never produced top quality. Italy and France also have larger populations with a larger pool extending from their country in places like Algeria and USA where they just generally get players like Giuseppe Rossi for example. Why should someone born in New York, and raised in New York ever have got an Italian cap? I’m going off at a tangent, but apart from Terry Butcher and John Barnes (both raised here) tell me someone who wasn’t born in England who has turned out for us.

England shouldn’t expect anything. Mexico is equally as passionate about the world game as we are with over double our population. They have achieved absolutely fuck all in the World Cup ever. So my feeling is, yes we can try and improve, but there are football countries far far larger than us in size and population who haven’t been in the top 18 FIFA ranked sides non stop over the last 20 years like we have. Are we so arrogant that our fuckwit journalists regard everything other than last 8 in tournaments as abject failure?

The World Cup as a whole was brilliant. It made my summer, brilliant game after brilliant game. The best of my life time by a mile, but I repeat and I agree with Merson, England could’ve went to the last four. Holland are not a great side, they came THIRD! We can go on about being shit forever, the fact is we are not shit. We have players on their day who can compete with anyone. We’re not the best, we never were. Our football culture dictates we probably never will be. It was always the fastest league, always the “get stuck in” way of playing, always the club before country culture, so what do we want? We are not brilliant and we are not shite, we’re inbetween. We were unlucky, and no better and no worse than Italy and Uruguay who went in to the tournament ranked in the top 10 in the world.

Liverpool Football Club

It doesn’t matter where you go in the world, there are good and bad people.  There’s very few cities in the world where you find people with as much pride in their area as you get in Newcastle upon Tyne.  I think without any bias geordies have as much local identity as any group of people in Britain.  However scouse pride is every bit as great, in their area and what they believe it means to be scouse.  There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being proud of where you’re from and to be fair Liverpool as a city has a far more decorated history than the vast majority of places.  It was once the second wealthiest city in the entire British Empire.  Some statemen that when you think we controlled 25% of the British Empire at one point.  The actual centre of Liverpool isn’t a bad place at all and has a whole host of listed buildings, so there’s nothing wrong with being proud of where you’re from.

On top of that the city has won 27 league titles, 18 for Liverpool, and remarkably 9 for Everton, and when you think London is more than eight times the size, has 14 football clubs, yet they’ve only won 19 between them all, then it really is some achievement.  It truly puts in to perspective the place that Merseyside bu hook or crook has developed for itself in football history.

I don’t want to come across as bigoted but scousers in my view are like no other on this island.  This piece isn’t specifically about Everton FC, or scousers specifically though, it’s about the most self absorbed club and group of supporters anywhere in Europe.  That club is Liverpool FC.

When you speak to a Liverpool fan at a match, you have a 50/50 chance of speaking to someone actually from the North West.  You go to Anfield and there’s often that many Chinese/French/Irish/Spanish/Japanese etc…. that you could quite easily believe you’re at Madam Tussaud’s rather than an actual sporting arena.  The amount of people getting their photo’s taken beside the Shankly Gates is incredible.  I’ve been there many times it’s always the same.  Their worldwide support is based on one thing.  Glory hunting.  The Liverpool Way has fed the imagination of foreigners around the world.  What is the “Liverpool Way”? 

Liverpool fans often try to claim they are the greatest supporters in the world.  In what way though?  In 2004 they were getting 35,000 regularly because they were only 5th.  In 2001 they were proclaiming Gerard Houllier with his three trophies as the greatest manager in the world.  Three years later with Gerard still recovering from a heart attack he was the most clueless manager they’d ever had since before Shankly.  Liverpool fans are everything I pray that we don’t turn out to be, if by some miracle we’re every successful.

Hillsborough was by far the most disasterous event in the history of British sport, I was only young and remember it like it was yesterday.  An awful way to go and the parents, friends and associates deserve every respect for fighting against police and government convenience lies to prove their innocence after 24 years.  Anyone with a heart can feel for the entire area given the sickening events.  However, Heysel was a completely different matter.  Whenever you mention Heysel to a Liverpool fan they get emotional, because they know they were in the wrong.  They were a disgrace.  Whether they like it or not Liverpool’s match going to support in Brussell’s that day cause the deaths of 38 Italians and 1 Belgian innocent football fan due to their shocking violence that evening.  An evening when Liverpool fans sent English football back 10 years.  You could say the actual football style didn’t remotely begin to improve for well over a decade because the only way the vast majority of our players could taste European football of any degree was leaving England to play for foreign clubs.  As ever though they take such conversations with distain.  “Ay lad all English teams were workin themselves in them days.”  A degree of truth in that possibly.  The bit that’s missing is that not one caused the death of any foreign supporters in any game let alone in an European final.  When Manchester United fans sing to them,”it’s never your fault, it’s never your fault, always the victims, it’s never your fault.”, it’s so poignant because it really is true.  You would think a club like them would learn from such an incredibly sickening behaviour.  Yet 23 years after Heysel and 18 years after Hillsborough, Liverpool fans without tickets at the 2007 final in Athens, ROBBED their own supporters of their tickets, then when many tried and failed to rob others, they steamed the gates and many hundreds of ticketless fans gained entry to the stadium.  Since 1985 to my knowledge, Manchester United many times, Chelsea, Arsenal, Middlesbrough and Fulham have all appeared in European finals without any incident at all.  Yet Liverpool’s first top end European final in 22 years sees the same insociable sickening behaviour.  You can’t just dismiss it as chance.  Why is it always the same club?  Why when they’re questioned about anything that you could lay criticism to them do they react like they’re the victims.

The entire country is aware what they are like.  You can’t just say “bastard scousers”, because to be fair, when have Everton fans done any of the following?  Heysel?  Throwing shit at young away fans at Anfield whenever they play Manchester United?  Athens?  Various stabbings?  That’s only scratching the surface too.  They are scum.  Whenever they’re told the truth neither, they get upset like the emotional arseholes they are.  They are the biggest embarrassment to English football in our countries history.  They are the most ridiculed, pitied, hated supporters in this country.  The reaction the other night confirmed it.  No one cares if Man Utd or Chelsea or Arsenal win the league, but not Liverpool.  The entire country rejoiced.  The victims got their day to be the victims once again against Crystal Palace, and I’m not ashamed to admit I cheered Crystal Palace’s equaliser like it was a Newcastle goal.  I’m not a hateful person, and nor are many millions who wish the worst for this club.  It’s not jealousy, I’d rather we win fuck all than be anything like that shower of shite, it’s absolute contempt for what they are.  I don’t like this line “all football fans are the same”.  It’s a load of bollocks, we’re nothing like them in any way, achievement wise, support profile wise, attitude wise, and thank fuck for that. 







Sir Bobby Robson must turn in his grave at our classless manager

I remember beating Tottenham 3-1 about 2008 and the Spurs fans were singing, “aww ya do, aww ya do, aww ya do is faakin moan! aww ya do is faakin moan.”

A few other people have accused us of being whingers too in the past.  David Pleat, the former Tottenham manager disgraced in many papers for curb crawling, once said that Newcastle fans give the team an unfair advantage because we appeal for every decision we can even when it’s ridiculous, thus unfairly winning free kicks on a regular basis.  To be honest I think that was one of the best parts of our support 10 or 15 years ago.   We used to intimidate the opposition and referees.  I think that is a sign of positive whinging doing our best as supporters to help the team.  

Now our whinging is different.  We whinge because we are upset at every aspect surrounding the club.  It’s very easy to slate Ashley, he for me is one of the single biggest twats in the clubs history.  I don’t want to sound melodramatic but he honestly is.  He is a scumbag.  People keep saying he’s a smart businessman.  Newcastle United financially and any other way aren’t reaching half of their potential because of how the chairman has ran the club from top to bottom for nearly 7 years.  His “he’ll do”, “they’ll do”, “a little profit will do” attitudes are systematically producing apathy surrounding the club that I’ve personally never seen in three decades.   Enough about Ashley for now though, there’s only so many ways you can portray him as the anti-Christ, and believe me I’ve tried every single one ten times over.

Ashley is one thing.  He’s never going to change.  I think he’s the absolute epitome of a real life Gordon Gecho, who will never ever accept criticism, will do it his way, and will make life difficult for anyone who ever criticises him.  Pardew even once hinted at the fact that, “Mike sometimes doesn’t do things with the best interests of the football club at heart”.  In other words Mike can’t handle the situation that he is widely hated, and will do everything he can to make people aware of the fact that he is the all powerful, all conquering fifth richest British person in the UK.  What a cunt.  WHAT A CUNT.  Anyway that’s the last time I mention him.  

Before Pardew came in, I honestly think Hughton was doing a decent job, we were mid-table and doing alright.  I’d heard before we beat the mackems 5-1 Pardew was coming in as manager, we’d beaten Arsenal, West Ham and Sunderland in a fortnight and sadly for Chrissy his departure was only delayed by 6 weeks as a result.  That season we scored 41 goals at home, bettered only by champions Manchester United and 7 more than the third best home scorers Man City.  Not bad for a team who were in the Championship the previous season.  6-0 wins against Villa, 5-1 wins against the mackems, away wins at Arsenal, Everton and West Ham, but “Mike’s feeling was Chris didn’t quite have the experience”.  

I’m not saying Hughton is or was the world’s best manager, but his performance from August 2009 to December 2010 was worthy of at least 8 out of 10.  How he was treat was a disgrace, an absolute disgrace, a bloke with more dignity in his left toe than Ashley will ever produce in a lifetime.  Pardew came in and rightly the vast majority of people were up in arms.  He’d always been a smarmy embarrassing arsehole.   Yes the Pards/Wenger incident was funny in 2006 when West Ham got that last minute winner against Arsenal, but do you really want your manager being a common as fuck classless wanker, or having dignity, respect and intelligence?

The rest of the 2010/2011 season under Pardew saw some decent results, the 4-4 with Arsenal was great, the 5-0 against West Ham when Leon Best scored a hattrick was staggering, but that was it for me.  That season saw the last time we showed any attacking REAL attacking intent.

The 2011/2012 saw us come 5th, we made some absolutely brilliant buys, primarily down to Graham Carr.  Demba was excellent up front, Cabaye magnificent, even Jonas had a reasonably good season.  We were incredibly lucky in many games, our goal difference of +5 told a story when you consider Tottenham in 4th were +25, but by hook or by crook it was a canny season.  

Since then it’s been shit.  Every time we look like being a really decent side, we’ve put holes in the side without proper planning and replacements.  It was obvious Cabaye would be away, not even a thought of replacing him before the end of the season, “oh its OK we’re so far clear of 11th we’ll achieve our objectives this season.”.  I’ve never been a football manager of anything like that, other than my 5 a side team or a game of ChampMan back in the day on the computer winning the Premier League with Huddersfield Town, but I tell you what this idiot simply can not do, and that is get his side to play fluid football.  I’m all for managers playing it tight when it’s working.  George Graham won the title with Arsenal playing like that.  The problem with Pardew’s tactics are so blatantly obvious to football managerial novices like myself, but he does fuck all about it.  WE NEVER MOVE OFF THE BALL!!!  We just don’t run off the ball.  You can say well maybe we don’t have the players to do it, but even if that’s the case (and I don’t necessarily think it is), why do Newcastle United not sign players who can so at least our tactics can be more fluid than they are.

Why do journalists never ask him, why for 3 years he has insisted on playing tight, battling, defensive football, which is fine when it’s working but totally unacceptable when it’s not.  It’s fine coming out with all of the geordie myths like, “the geordies would rather lose 4-3 than win 1-0.”  That is total bollocks, but what if we’re going to go down, one thing that in my deluded mind that should be ingrained in the very fibre of the football club, is that we at least try and entertain over 50,000 mugs who waste money on this shower of shite every year.

I finally lost my patience with Pardew as a human being after we beat Chelsea 2-0 as it happens.  It was without doubt in my view the greatest Newcastle performance in his era as manager of the club, he’d been given nothing to spend for 12 months, when we really needed it, and he came out with the following, ““This win is for Mike Ashley. Trust me, he is a fan and I’m pleased for him.”

This win is for an owner who has on occasion even admitted doesn’t do things with the best interests of the club at heart.  Fucking classless arsehole.  You look at the dignity Sir Bobby Robson had as manager of the club, he wasn’t bothered about money, about his contract he just got on with it, and the best thing I can say about SBR was he did as much to brighten the name of Newcastle United worldwide as Keegan did.  We were a club to be proud of.  Now we have Pardew who goes around calling proven European managers “old cunts”, who sticks the nut on opposition players, and an owner who doesn’t give a fuck, it’s all about money.  Make no mistake about it, Pardew will receive a fortune for being in the top 10 with this new Premier League deal.  That’s why he’s content to come out with things like “that ones for Mike”, when we get a win despite “Mike” giving him fuck all to spend for the best part of two years.  It’s all about money, and it always will be.  Pardew will go along with it because he is a classless wanker, who will make money and try and enhance his reputation till a plastic southern club like Tottenham or Chelsea want him.  Fucking arsehole.  His time is up – 10 league games without scoring in the last 14, would see most managers of any reasonably sized club face massive pressure, but Pardew knows he’s alright because he’s achieved the top ten objective, he doesn’t give a fuck, and neither does Ashley as long as the Premier League money train is coming in to town, which it is.  











10 Clubs I hate

I’m not a pacifist, there’s loads of football clubs I just don’t like, either because of their players, their managers or more often than not their supporters.  As I’m in a shit mood and have an hour to kill I thought I’d write my top 10 cunt list, and the reasons why I hate them.

1 Sunderland

I don’t like mackems.  I worked there for years, absolute tramps.  It sounds bigoted, and there is too much bigotry in the world, but their accent is a disgrace to vocal chords.  They nearly all smoke and they exist to hate us.  There’s times I’ve watched games and wanted Sunderland to win because occasionally the baring of their result has influenced our league place, but I always feel guilty.  I don’t want “banter” with them, I want fuck all to do with Sunderland towny mackems.   It’s no exaggeration to say they hate Newcastle United, everything Newcastle upon Tyne is and geordies more than they love their own club and city.

2 Liverpool

There are times I hate them more than the mackems even. Was summed up by Steve McManaman (who is a grade A cunt) in the paper, saying Carroll would take longer to settle at Liverpool because there’s more pressure and they’re a club on a much higher level than Newcastle? Fucking what?  For starters you could play for Real Madrid and the pressure would be no greater than it is here. Even Souness the cunt said the pressure and focus on you managing Newcastle United is greater than he found it at Rangers and Liverpool, and they’re only on another level because they have a rich owner no other reason. 

They haven’t won the title for 24 years, and haven’t even come close to it, I just don’t get why they’re regarded as special. You could write a fucking book on why they’re cunts, two books even, and it’s not just the football club. It’s the attitude of scousers too, they’re not all twats, but I’ve met so many I’ve just wanted to smack, the ones who accentuate their horrible accents too, I’m honestly grimacing writing this about them. My dislike of Liverpool is significantly greater than my dislike of Everton and I don’t like them neither. 

3 Tottenham 

The most undeservedly mouthy fans of them all.  Patronise Newcastle no end, when the fact is our last 20 years has been better than their’s.  They couldn’t fill 36000 till Jol took over now they’re claiming to be the Real Madrid of the south.  Suck me clems.  Big support in London and Jerusalem, no where else.

4 Everton

Fucking tramps.  “Waaays ya tlophies??!?!” is all you get out of them when the fact is if you’re under 26 they’ve won one cup in your lifetime.  Absolute hovel of a place, and yet another club who’s fans are obsessed with us.  Mickey mouse club in my eyes with a spor of the support we have, never take any shit off these over-achieving paraffins.

5 Leeds

Got family who support Leeds so I know a lot about the club, been to Elland Road for loads of games which haven’t involved Newcastle.

Now I don’t want to get in to a big club debate. Newcastle don’t have the recent history to call themselves a big club, but in my opinion only three or four clubs do. What I will remember about Leeds this season is this comment from Allan Clarke.


He said: “Jermaine is doing a great job for Leeds, the fans love him, and he is already with the biggest club he’ll ever play for.

Let’s face it, Leeds are far bigger than Newcastle, so Jermaine should stay at Elland Road and become a real hero there.”

It really is like comparing The Titanic to the Shields Ferry, the arrogant deluded bastard. They are a shit club in a city which isn’t even football orientated, and listening to the crack last week, something along the lines of Leeds were 15 points above Norwich five months ago, and now there’s been a 13 point swing. I don’t want to laugh at a teams misfortune, but they’ve lost too much momentum to think they’ll go up in the play offs, and I love it. I hope they stay in that league forever, a league smaller club Newcastle has never been in in its’ 118 year history I may add.  Shit club, shit fans. Pipe down and stay down. The funny thing is Bates was a great chairman in January 2010, and Grayson was the next Mourinho, these days Bates is seen as the anti-christ and Grayson their worst manage ever who should’ve been sacked earlier. 

6 Celtic 7 Rangers – see here…

8 Aston Villa

I was in with them in the Holte End and every myth peddled about Newcastle was being spouted all around me, and every stereotype about brummies fulfilled. If we relegated anyone I would seriously hope we wouldn’t be so small time to make flags about a non rival team. Fucking what a set of wanks.

From now on I will take extra satisfaction in doing these small time wanks, they are nothing, they are nothing to me and most toon fans, but the sheer delight they took in our relegation will live long in the memory, the toon fans who were there were dignified and showed more class than what most supports would, but despite the pain of relegation, my pride in being geordie was magnified 10 fold in seeing the difference between us and them.

9 Barcelona

The global bumming they receive is beyond parallel, they’ve been marketed very very well over the last decade, well I don’t buy any of this UNICEF bollocks as anything other than a publicity stunt designed long term for their supporters to accept shirt sponsorship.  It’s a very cynical attitude to have but I’m not their biggest fan.  They extremely good PR, I can see through it.

10 Boro 

Hate us almost as much as the mackems do.  They want us to care but we don’t really.  Shit hole place like most of the places South of the Tyne in the North of England, and they soaked in jealousy of Newcastle and Newcastle United.  Common as fuck most of their fans.

Other special mentions for Nottingham Forest, Portsmouth, Fulham, any Italian club, Wolves and Man City




















What is the point of Newcastle United?

When I was growing up as a bairn in the 80’s we expected to lose many of the games we played. The biggest hiding I saw Newcastle get was a 0-4 trouncing off Everton on Boxing Day 1986. That stayed the biggest home hiding I saw us get till Man Utd beat us 2-6 in 2003. The thing is with those two defeats, Man Utd had van Nistelrooy, Giggs, Scholes, Beckham, Keane…all at their peak. Everton went on to be champions when they took the piss in 1986 with one of the greatest sides I’ve ever seen.

Liverpool last season obviously is the biggest home defeat that anyone under the age of 100 has ever seen at home for us. However, and I don’t want to go over the top, Saturday for me was worse than last season against them, and worse than against Liverpool too. I’ve seen us play Sunderland probably twenty times, I saw us lose 2-0 in the play offs to them, the two 2-1 games in 2000 and 2001, last seasons and now this season. The play off game was the most important obviously, but we were the better side, we didn’t deserve to lose 2-0. The two 2-1 games, we were the better side. Last season Sunderland had 4 shots, three of them absolute screamers, again a game that felt like a bit of a freak.

At the weekend though, I could see after 5 minutes what was going to happen. They were all over us and for the first time in my lifetime they absolutely deserved to pummel us. We were fucking shit! Now I’m not going to let the players get away with getting none of the abuse, they deserve it. Ashley however has outshone himself in the cunt stake and that takes some doing. Pardew moaned all season about the Europa League effecting our league form. That’s fine, but in a large percentage of the games he was only playing 4 and 5 first teamers anyway! You could tell against Aston Villa the first game after the window closed (a window where we signed no one), that it was going to be a shit season in 12/13. Having said that we didn’t lose anyone then and there was a deeply negative feeling that month which only got worse, and Pardew’s excuses got worse. This time we’ve lost our best player, in fact without sounding biased one of the very best midfielders in the entire league this season. Fine. Cabaye wanted to leave. He left with Laurent Blanc coming out with the following, “Yohan stressed to me he would not have left Newcastle if they were in the Champions League because he loved the club.” Even if we were spunking money, like Man City, there’s no guarantees we’d get in the Champions League, but Everton and Tottenham over the last 3 or 4 seasons have shown you don’t have to bankrupt yourself to float about 4th, 5th and 6th place.

Which leaves the question for me. What is the point in our existence? I don’t care what any fucker says, Newcastle United should be far far bigger than Everton with our vastly superior fanbase, and certainly being competitive with Tottenham every single season. What is the point in our existence? I’m 36 years of age and I absolutely adore the club the same as most people from Tyneside do. A League Cup or a FA Cup victory, would be the only trophy we’ve ever won in my lifetime, and I don’t care about how snobby clubs like Chelsea are to these trophies, to win one of them would be absolutely brilliant for us, it would get that 45 year monkey off our back, and there’s not one city in this country would appreciate it more. The guy who came to the fans meeting months ago, admitted the soul purpose of our club is to come top 10. He basically said the cups were an irrelevance. Well they can fuck off! I don’t want to portray myself as the clubs best fan, I’ve hardly been away for 3 or 4 years, but I’ve missed no more than 10 home games since the 80s, and for the first time ever I’m seriously considering jacking it. I don’t know what the point of Newcastle United is, other than something to clear the debt we owe a man who made £250m profits from his businesses last year.

He bought the club to have fun. If by having fun he means take the piss out of 1m Newcastle fans in the UK, he’s doing a magnificent job. Even his staunchest supporters, must be honest enough to admit, a proper contigency for Cabaye’s departure should have been sorted. The man is a CUNT, and in my view anyone that claims to support Newcastle who denies it, is a cunt too.

Anyway back to the game. Worst I’ve ever seen. The mackems battered us. They took the piss out of us like we did them for years. Shola should retire now with dignity, he was absolutely disgusting, but getting back to that Villa game last season, it was entirely the same approach. No signings, but this time losing our best player. That created a negative attitude around the city without losing anyone. I don’t know where we go from here, we could win our next two games, and everything will be “fixed” in some peoples eyes. It won’t though. It never will while Ashley owns us. Pardew has to toe the party line, but I think even he is getting fucked off with it. The amount of erms and ahs and no comments in that press conference was telling. We’re 8th top of the best league in the world, so looking at it like that, things don’t appear to be all that bad, but they are. The mackems are laughing their tits off at everything about our club, and so they should. Fair enough we’re a far bigger club, but their supporters could be looking forward to two cup finals this year, a manager who has progressed the club no end, whereas the rest of us at Newcastle can look in the mirror and just genuinely wonder what the point of existence is. For all Ashley’s faux pas in the last 7 years, we are far past the point of no return with him now.

Rangers and Celtic – two of the biggest clubs in “eh werruld”, aye right

I was brought up a catholic, but irrespective if you have faith in God, the Roman Catholic church has more to be embarrassed about than proud of. Did Jesus actually say “here look if you’re a priest you can’t shag anyone”? In England to be fair I don’t think there is much if any animosity between people who raised as catholics and people who were raised as protestants. In Scotland and Northern Ireland though it’s a different world.

I don’t think it’s possible to have a conversation with a Celtic fan without hearing the words “Cellik are waan ay eh biggest clubs in eh werruld.” Rangers fans were the same before they went bust and had to start again. Don’t get me wrong I love Glasgow, I’ve been there scores of times, it is without an absolutely brilliant city, full of heritage, character, people with genuine personality, where you know where you stand with people at all times. I like Glasgow. If Newcastle didn’t exist I’d seriously consider living there. You go up Buchanan Street and you are on in my view, not only one of the greatest streets in the United Kingdom, but one of the greatest streets in the western world, it’s beautiful. So while Glasgow has a reputation for being a right shithole, it’s a fantastic city, I’d encourage anyone to go, the centre is as good as Newcastle and I don’t say that about many places.

Parts of Glasgow have a life expectancy of 49. 98% of Africa has a higher life expectancy than that, so it’s a bizarre city full of contrasts. Scotland was largely speaking a staunchly presbyterian country prior to the potato famine in Ireland. Glasgow along with Liverpool were the main places these Irishmen settled to the extent that today, they’re the only major cities in the British Isles that have more catholics than protestants.

Enough of the bullshit pretending I’m an expert on Scottish and Irish sectarianism and history anyway. The fact is this. Their fans (not all) are fucking utter deluded plebs. The amount of times I’ve heard a jock say “Newcastle are a wee diddy team”. Well I’ll say something now, Newcastle United have more history and better support than Rangers or Celtic both now and historically. Winning 53 league titles in a league where the third biggest team in reality are no bigger than half of the third tier of English football is NOTHING. Celtic won the European Cup in 1967, and they should rightly be proud of that achievement, for me given who they are it is without doubt the greatest club achievement in the history of club football in Europe. A club from a country of 5 million people, and all eleven players were from within 30 miles of Glasgow. To me that is like Billy Hardy chinning Lennox Lewis. However, imagine if Newcastle United (Europe’s best supported club in the late 40s and early 50s played in a league where they had a 50/50 chance of winning the league every season. That means that since 1956 we’d have had probably played in the European Cup 30 times. Nottingham Forest (!?) played in it twice and won it twice! So it’s a fair assumption that on that basis we’d have won a few if our entry was so easy. Of course it’s all hypothetical, but don’t take any shit off them.

The “greatest supporters in eh werruld”, as they both like to be referred to historically in terms of support don’t hold a candle to us. 1978 was the first season from 1892 Celtic averaged more in a season than us, Rangers lagging behind most of the time too. The facts are out there. Celtic had NEVER averaged over 40,000 in its’ entire history till 1998. We should laugh at them when they try to be derogatory about us, Rangers are the same.

Compare the three cubs historically

I remember speaking to one Celtic fan in London in 1999 who tried to tell me Henrik Larsson was one of the three best players in the world, and was “better than Shearer”, at the time Larsson had been at Celtic two years having been previously been in Feyenoord RESERVES. Granted he went to have a decent career, but it summed up how utterly deluded their support is.



In closing I hope they never come to the Premier League so we don’t have to put up with them singing Brits Out walking up Barrack Road before our game in 2007, when our reserves beat their first team 4-1, or causing 400 to be hospitalised like Rangers in 1969. An absolute bunch of tramps, and any geordie who holds either as a “second team”, need to have a word with themselves.


We have working class fans the same as any other, but I’m yet to meet a Newcastle fan as thick as this bloke at the end here: Continue reading